European Unobtanium: 5 terrific cars we wish were sold in Canada

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In a conflict you will perhaps not be aware of, BMW is readying the latest salvo in what can only be referred to as the Germanic Wagon Wars. Pitched to go head on against the Audi RS4 and the Mercedes-AMG C63S estates, the new BMW M3 Touring is nearing launch , and looks to be made available in full-firepower 503-hp Competition spec.

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Available, that is, if you are an accountant from Düsseldorf who needs to take a Rottweiler to the walking trails but also spend the weekend at the Nürburgring. If you live near Mosport and have a labradoodle, no dice. Despite an online petition, BMW has responded to North American enthusiast pleas for a hot 3 Series wagon with an emphatic nein .

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The move theoretically makes sense from a financial standpoint, but it’s hard not to look across town to your local Mercedes dealership, and note the C43 wagon sitting in the showroom. True, the C43 wagon is a Canada-only offering this side of the Atlantic (thank you and merci, Mercedes, we are shipping maple syrup and Kraft Dinner to Stuttgart in time for Weihnacten) but you’d think BMW would sell enough M3 wagons over here to make it worth its while.

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And the M3 wagon isn’t the only Euro-only machine worth lusting after. It’s not just wagons, but hatchbacks, and EVs, and campers —  oh, mein ! Here’s a look at what our shipping manifest of European unobtanium would be if we were loading up a container vessel in Rotterdam right now.

Toyota GR Yaris

Anyone who doesn’t already know about the “Grrr Yaris” is probably asking if we’ve lost our marbles. Yes, it’s a Toyota econobox that’s about as big as a shoe. It has a three-cylinder engine, and is about as pragmatically non-luxurious as an inexpensive IKEA bookcase.

But, oh, hold on to your Billy. This little terrier is a homologation special — a street car the factory is forced to build so it can take the racing version to the rally stage. It’s got boxy flares, all-wheel-drive, and that 1.6L three-cylinder engine is turbocharged up to 268 hp.

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Throw in a manual and what we’ve got here is a Subaru STI hatchback that somebody accidentally shrunk in the washing machine. By all accounts, the GR Yaris offers a distilled version of what made rally legends like the STI and Mitsubishi EVO so good. The car is a smash success across the pond.

And it’s a success here, too. Frustratingly so — the GR Yaris is sold in Mexico, where it sold out in just 24 hours. Please, Toyota, we’re begging you.

Ford Fiesta ST and Hyundai i20N

The one tiny issue with the GR Yaris is that it does cost nearly as much as a Subaru STI, when you do the currency conversion. So, alongside our contraband Toyotas we must park a few examples of a car that is sadly pretty much extinct in North America.

It’s the proper hot hatchback. Yes, the VW GTI is still around, but it’s relatively huge compared to the original ideal, and is far from cheap. What we need is a turbocharged hatch that can be picked up for somewhere in the low $20K range, and doesn’t break the bank on fuel consumption either.

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Enter the Ford Fiesta ST and the Hyundai i20N. Both these cars make right around 200 hp, the Ford from a turbocharged 1.5L three-cylinder; the Hyundai with 0.1L more displacement and one more cylinder. Both are light, front-wheel-drive, and offer four-door hatchback practicality. The Fiesta comes as a three-door if you prefer.

Obviously these are cars better suited to wriggling European backroads rather than prairie Trans-Canada sections, but come on: Canada has backroads, too. Two scrappy little hatchbacks that aren’t too fast for road use are the perfect antidote to today’s surfeit of power and thirsty “performance-oriented” crossovers. Why pick one? We’ll have both.

Honda e

What if you could love your EV? That’s the question the Honda e aims to answer, with its expressive and friendly front end and spacious interior. The e is a throwback to the values that once made Honda great: character, delight, and thoughtful features.

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Consumer interest in EVs is growing rapidly, and Honda Canada doesn’t have much to lure battery-seeking buyers into its showrooms. The closest thing available is the plug-in hybrid (PHEV) Clarity. But that looks a bit like someone said, “How can we make a car that’s even weirder than the Prius?”

The e, by contrast, looks like it should host its own preschool television show. It’s fun and funky, and has an airy, well-thought-out cabin. The range is rated at just 220 kilometres, and Canadian winters will likely shrink that, but anyone considering something like a Nissan Leaf might want a car with similar capability but a lot more personality.

Renault Zoe

Speaking of EVs, here’s something worthy from Nissan’s partner, Renault. You’ll often find enthusiasts waxing on about the glorious weirdness of French cars, but this is sheer pragmatism. The Zoe is what’s really needed right now: a cheap EV.

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One in five EVs in Europe is a Zoe. The reason for their popularity isn’t speed or range — both are fine, with a 52-kWh battery back providing just under 400 km of range — but the clever way in which you can purchase the car.

The Zoe costs almost exactly the same as the lower-spec 40-kWh Nissan Leaf, but you don’t have to buy the whole Renault. Instead, buyers can opt to lease the battery pack, paying reduced rates depending on how far you intend to drive. If you’re looking at an EV solution for a modest commute, this could save you thousands.

Then, on top of decent affordability, the Zoe is reportedly good to drive. It’s not aggressive or sporty, but comfortable and quiet, just as a proper French car should be.

VW California

Lastly, we must leave a little extra space for one of the most confusing choices Volkswagen ever made. It’s the Volkswagen California, the adventure van named for the place where you can’t actually buy one! It is highly annoying!

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This summer, as Canadians navigated our way through the everlasting gobstopper that is the current pandemic, interest in camping was at an all-time high. Thanks to various peer-to-peer renting apps, this resulted in a bunch of VW Westfalias being restored and rented out. Entire companies were formed based on the nostalgia people feel for the humble ol’ Westy.

You remember the Westfalia, right? Sold through the 1980s, these camperized pop-top vans offered reasonable accommodation space along with a battery that would immediately go flat if you even thought about turning on the dome light, and a near-completely ineffective fridge. On the road, Westys offer the performance envelope of William Shatner riding a cargo bicycle. And people still love them!

The California is all the camp-anywhere nostalgia of the Westfalia, except the fridge (and everything else) now works. Even if it was incredibly expensive, it’d still sell — just look at what people pay for camperized Mercedes Sprinters. We’d better load up a few more Californias, and think about renting them out, too.