SUV Review: 2021 Mercedes-Maybach GLS 600 4Matic

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I’ve got to admit I am out of my league testing Mercedes’ latest Maybach. I am, have always been, and will always be, steadfastly middle-class. I have no use for chocolates left on hotel pillows, concierges who insist on taking my luggage drive me crazy, and I’d sooner choke on my own vomit than dine in a restaurant where the chef insists on introducing themself. No surprise, then, that I have no desire to be driven around in the back seat like some tin-pot potentate. Not only does it go against my Spartan lifestyle, it’s boring as snot and not nearly as relaxing as it’s made out to be.

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In other words, I’ve not got much use for a limousine. The only thing worse would be some sort of gargantuan SUV gussied up as a limo, which means, if you take me at my word, that Mercedes’ Maybach-ified GLS is pretty much the last vehicle, short of a Tesla or a Trabant, that would be on my shopping list.

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That said, I gotta admit the 2021 Mercedes-Maybach GLS 600 4Matic was an absolute hoot to drive for a week. Rather than potentates, I chauffeured home from their workouts young boxers, complete with sweaty hand wraps competing with Mercedes Air Balance trying, in best Marie Antoinette tradition, to mask body odor with perfume; drove neighbours to the grocery store; and — I’m pretty sure this wasn’t in the brochure — ferried a couple of motorcycle wheels that needed new bearings. I felt like Donald Trump slumming it in Markham.

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And, make no mistake about it, this GLS is made for rulers and heads of state; it’s virtually all back seat. To get a measure of just how spacious things are in the twin buckets in the back of a Mercedes-Maybach, consider this: Take one GLS600, some 5,205 millimetres from stem-to-stern, rip out the third row of seats, and then take that second row and push it so far back that there’s virtually no cargo space. In an SUV that, again, measures more 17 freakin’ feet from bumper to bumper.

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If that doesn’t get your attention, then know that twin rear seats — there is a bench offered, but what’s the point? — would do many an airline first-class cabin proud. They recline like a La-Z-Boy, are so coddling that it’ll take all your will power to remain conscious, and are fluffed with pillows — one to, I think, cushion the back of your calves in the hopes of alleviating God-knows-what. As if that’s not enough, there’s a flippin’ wine cooler built into the second row, the miniature refrigerator able to keep not only your Champagne perfectly chilled but also the two — crystal, no doubt — flutes that keep your favourite vintage fizzy. In other words, Caligula himself would approve.

That’s not all. Like all modern luxury cars, the Maybach GLS has multiple driving modes to better harness all the computer-controlled systems on board. But, according to Mercedes, this GLS600 has one more, called, of course, “Maybach,” that actually sets as its main goal the comfort of the rear passengers, even, says Mercedes, at the expense of the driver. Yep, just like in the good old days of serf-and-master. Anyway, supposedly the throttle response is softened, the transmission always starts in second gear, and the E-Active Body Control system tailors the suspension balance to benefit the driven rather than the driver.

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Make no mistake, this GLS is made for rulers and heads of state—it’s virtually all back seat

I couldn’t actually test this theorem out, of course, there being no way to be in both the driver’s and right rear passenger seat simultaneously to attest to the fact that driver had been discomfited at the expense of passenger. But I can tell you that one of my boxers — after a particularly strenuous workout, mind you — fell asleep on the way home. Whether the Maybach mode is effective or not, there’s no question the rear of the Maybach is princess-and-the-pea comfy. Oh, and by the way, his phone was fully charged when he got home because, of course, the rear seat passengers get wireless charging, too.

It does come at a price, however, beyond even the monetary, which for the record, at $199,400 base MSRP, is not inconsiderable. For instance, not only is the cargo space diminished as the result of the seats being pushed back, but the working parts of that mini-fridge takes up considerable space as well. In fact, it juts out into the middle trunk by at least a foot. Combined with a cargo lid that doesn’t look like it can be removed — I wasn’t going to force the issue! —  the Maybach sets a new all-time low in terms of size-versus-usable-trunk-space ratio. Yes, our lord emperor might arrive at the golf course in style, but he may need a trailer to haul his golf bag.

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As for the rest of the car, did I mention it has an engine? A stellar one at that, a 550-horsepower version of Mercedes’ ubiquitous 4.0-litre twin turbo V8. It’s further blessed with Benz’s EQ Boost belt-alternator-starter mild hybrid system, which Mercedes says adds 184 pound-feet to the proceedings. I’m not sure the 4.0L needs it, considering it twists out 538 pound-feet all by its lonesome, but since the combination manages to get the 2,760-kilogram Maybach to 100 kilometres an hour in about five seconds, I will admit it’s pretty impressive stuff.

Oh, it also handles better than any three-ton beast on stilts has any right. More impressively, despite those heavy 23-inch rims, it rides very well indeed. And not just in that Maybach mode either. Would that all such humongous SUVs deliver such a balance between comportment and comfort.

Indeed, in the end I came away mighty impressed with the GLS, despite the fact I wouldn’t own one on a bet or a winning lottery ticket. But if you have a an ego the size of, say, Manhattan — or, as is more likely, you have the misfortune of working for someone that does — then there are far worse driver’s seats to while away the hours.